the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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