Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
