he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
