I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
