my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Randomize
