The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
