It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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