is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize