awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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