I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
