we're chasing vodka with high fives
high people should be assigned attendants
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
