When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
BRING THE BAGELS
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
