can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
