The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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