She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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