A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
