i just had sex bonerless
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Rumble strips road head = magical
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
