You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
