dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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