I think I can smell my own vagina right now
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
