I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
