I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
