Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
