I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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