exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
there's paper in my vomit.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
