the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
