Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
sarcasm needs its own font
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
