you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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