Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
