Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
