i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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