My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
