I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
