isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
