I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
