there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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