i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
