so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
