spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
