I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
