Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
