Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
