i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
