there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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