even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
