Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
