everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
