people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
