Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
