i would punch a child for taco bell
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
i believe in u and ur pee
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