Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
