She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
