Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
