she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
