Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
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