Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
