i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
