mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
how do flat chested girls get laid?
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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