Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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